I have to tell you the truth. That’s not something that is perceived as “normal” behavior. Most probably this then means you may find it hard to believe the compliments you receive, perceiving them instead as insincere or exaggerated. You are more used to focusing on your perceived flaws and and limitations.
How I know that is that I am facing with this challenge. A LOT. I am always trying to minimise my efforts, its always someone else I would put on pedestal rather that me, and I am shy to accept the compliment by saying simple – thank you. Noo, its always hard for me, and I have to put within that -oohhh noot a probleem, it was nothing at all, don’t thank me, thank you, etc.
While going on a therapy I learned this means that you have lost your key for your self -esteem in your childhood and you have to remember who took it away. Was it children at school, the bullying, your parents, brother, sister.. that one person hold the key to your self-esteem.
The main issue is to identify it. Second is to take that key away from them, figuratively speaking. That means you have to remember all the good things you have done by yourself, lets say- you have finished school, you know how to make your fav meals, you bought a car, an apartment.. you found love of your life, or you actually realise your own worth and move on from toxic friendship, relashinship or business environment. Many things, even the small ones are your own victory. Every single time you have to acknowledge that, and acknowledge you!
Not to seek for validation among other people, but to be that one and first person from whom you will require to be proud on yourself.
Other words, you have to learn to accept all parts of your personality and all of your choices. Not for your choices to be approved by someone else.
To summarise it, find that key and think really thoroughly who could take it away. Because it was truly enlightening for me to learn such valuable information, I wanted to share it with all my like-minded friends who are struggling with the same issues. I hope it will help you and bring you awareness!
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Da li vam je tesko da prihvatite kompliment?
Moram da vam kazem jednu istinu. To nije nesto sto se smatra “normalnim” ponasanjem. Najverovatnije to znaci da ti je tesko da poverujes komplimentima koje dobijas, i umesto toga ih dozivljavas kao neiskrene ili preuvelicane. Vise ste naviknuti da se fokusirate na svoje mane i ogranicenja, koje samo sebi postavljate.
Znam to jer se cesto suocavam sa ovim izazovom. Uvek pokusavam da minimiziram svoje napore, uvek bih nekog drugog stavila na pijedestal umesto sebe, i stidim se da prihvatim kompliment sa jednim jednostavnim – hvala. Ne, uvek mi je pretesko, i moram da dodam – ooo, nije problem, nije to nista, nemoj meni da zahvaljujes, hvala tebi, itd.
Kako idem na psihoterapiju, naucila sam da to zapravo znaci kako si izgubio kljuc za svoje samopouzdanje jos u detinjstvu i da moras da se setis ko ti ga je ‘oduzeo’. Da li su to bila deca u skoli, neko nasilje, trauma, tvoji roditelji, brat, sestra… ta osoba drzi kljuc tvog samopouzdanja.
Glavni problem je identifikovati to. Drugi je uzeti taj kljuc od njih, figurativno receno. To znaci da moras da se setis svih dobrih stvari koje si uradio sam, recimo – zavrsio si skolu jer niko nije ucio umesto tebe i zagrejao stolilicu, znas kako da spremis svoja omiljena jela, kupio si auto, stan… pronasao si ljubav svog zivota, smrsali ste, krenuli da trenirate, procitali ste svoju prvu knjigu, setate svaki dan ili ste zapravo shvatili svoju vrednost i napustili toksicno prijateljstvo, vezu ili poslovno okruzenje. Mnoge stvari, cak i one male, su tvoje sopstvene pobede. Svaki put moras da priznas to, i da priznas sebi kako si vredan i dostojan!
Ne da trazite validaciju medju drugim ljudima, vec biti ta prva osoba od koje cete traziti da budete ponosni na sebe!
Drugim recima, moras nauciti da prihvatis sve delove svoje licnosti i sve svoje izbore. Jer ukoliko su tvoji izbori odabrani a potom i odobreni od strane nekog drugog, zauvek cete ostati zaglavljeni u procesu unepredjena sebe.
Dakle, pronadjite taj kljuc i razmislite stvarno temeljno ko vam ga je mogao oduzeti. Preuzmite kontrolu nad svojim zivotom. Jer meni je zaista bilo prosvetljujuce saznati vrednu informaciju poput ove, i htela sam da podelim sa svim mojim istomisljenicima koji se bore sa ovim izazovom. Nadam se da ce vam sluziti i osvestiti vas!
Tanja's diary 🧚🏻♂️ 